Understanding Teenagers’ Behaviors Six

July 17th, 2010
Sense of entitlement

This is one of the most common problems I hear about on the phone every day. Teenagers assume that it is their RIGHT to have every latest gadget, a new car at 16, parents who let them do whatever they want,  just because they are teenagers!  And – unfortunately – we as parents often cater to their every whim and contribute even more to this belief of self-aggrandizement. This objectification numbs children’s sensitivity, compassion and empathy for others. Children adopt the principle, “If I am going to get anything in this life, I have to go out and fight for it and take it.” In despair and anger, children continue to lash out, abuse and exploit others.  -Irene and Dr. Hyde

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Understanding Teenagers’ Behaviors Five

July 5th, 2010

The fifth reason can actually be the problem with both the parent and the child:

Victim mentality

In order to relive their guilt, children begin to see others as objects that are advantaged and themselves as disadvantages victims. In order to make the world fair, they feel entitled to exploit, use and take advantage of others in an attempt to offset their own perceived disadvantage and others’ perceived privileges. – Dr. Randall Hyde

The parent can also be acting as a victim – or martyr – in situations that come up. This only emboldens the child to act out, because he/she sees that the parent does not “have it all together” or does not “have control” over the matter.

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Understanding Teenagers’ Behaviors Four

June 19th, 2010

The fourth reason for children’s bad behavior is:

4. Power struggle

Children perceive themselves as deficient in a highly competitive world. They decide that they have to fend for themselves and fight for what they get. Since what they want is often at odds with others who have more power and are perceived as more advantaged, they decide that they must fight vehemently for what they want and often engage others in authority in fierce power struggles. – Dr. Randall Hyde

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Understanding Teenagers’ Behaviors Three

June 7th, 2010
The third reason for untoward behavior in children:
3. Anger

Because children feel insecure, they externalize blame for guilt and convert most negative emotions such as fear, hurt, disappointment and frustration into anger. This focuses responsibility away from them and onto others. Anger gives them a false sense of power. – Dr. Randall Hyde

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Understanding Teenagers’ Behaviors Two

May 22nd, 2010

The second reason why children, and especially teen-agers,  act the way they do is this:

2. Failure or perceived failure

As children feel increasingly overwhelmed and see themselves as a failure (real or perceived), they give up, rebel, and forsake love, growth, responsibility, development, and what works, and replace these with selfishness, pleasure, and numbness as a cheap, but possible substitute. – Dr. Randall Hyde

Notice that the failure children experience may not be failure at all – they just perceive it that way. A Junior High student gets 18 negative comments to 1 positive one throughout the day. It is easy to PERCEIVE yourself as a failure with these kinds of statistics! Sometimes I wonder how these kids stay sane…

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Understanding Teenagers’ Behaviors

May 10th, 2010

I will start a little mini-series about Understanding Children’s Behaviors. There will be 12 entries and this is the first in the series. I will be rephrasing or quoting Dr. Randall Hyde, who has over 20 years experience in supporting and assisting delinquent children, and who has had amazing results with both children and parents!

Children are born especially sensitive, tenderhearted, loving and emotionally vulnerable. Children fear failure and rejection from self and others.

However, because children perceive life as hard, they experience discouragement, despair, and feel overwhelmed in trying to meet their own harsh, unrealistic expectations and the demands of what they perceive as a competitive, unforgiving, and demanding world.

So here is the first (and perhaps somewhat surprising) reason for children’s “unexpected” behavior:

  1. Rescuing and indulgent parents

Limits, boundaries, appropriate structure and reasonable rules cradle children in an environment that they perceive as safe, secure, and stable. When rescuing and indulgent parents allow excessive and premature freedom of choice and free reign over the environment, or do not give appropriate consequences for the children’s actions, it creates a sense of chaos that produces anxiety and insecurity in children that are unprepared. To try to overcome this, children attempt to provide their own structure in which they begin to control excessively their world and fight authority, which creates an even greater instability and sense of uncertainty.

Dr. Randall Hyde

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Coaching Results

April 24th, 2010

First Global Survey of Coaching Clients Reveals High ROI/Satisfaction
Posted : Mon, 06 Jul 2009 10:00:36 GMT
Author : International Coach Federation
Category : Press Release
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Press Release News

LEXINGTON, KY — 07/06/09 — The first worldwide survey of coaching clients reveals coaching generates a solid return on investment for clients and creates positive changes in client goal areas for both individuals and

companies.

Companies that use or have used professional coaching for business reasons have seen a median return on investment of seven times their initial investment, according to the newly released Final Report of the ICF Global Coaching Client Study commissioned by the International Coach Federation (ICF). Individual clients reported a median return on investment of 3.44 times their investment.

“Whether contemplating using coaching as a business strategy for these precarious times, or looking to achieve personally relevant goals, people will find great value in the results of the ICF Global Coaching Client Study,” says Karen Tweedie, Professional Certified Coach, 2009 president of the ICF, the world’s leading professional organization for coaches. “This study shows 86 percent of companies that use or have used coaching report at least a 100 percent return on their initial investment, as well as a significant impact in other client goal areas.”

Recognizing the significant knowledge voids that still exist regarding credible research about the coaching client, the ICF commissioned in 2008 independent research firms PricewaterhouseCoopers and Association Resource Centre Inc. to jointly conduct this groundbreaking study which provides comprehensive information about coaching clients, their decision making process and their opinions about professional coaching.

Three distinct phases of research were conducted: qualitative coach research; qualitative client research and quantitative client research. This included a series of 14 in-depth interviews with coaches; five focus groups with 41 client participants; and the key component of the research, a 20-minute online survey of 2,165 coaching clients from 64 countries, conducted September to November 2008.

“This study is the most ambitious global research project to date,” Tweedie says. “We sought to gather valuable information from around the world on the coaching profession from the unique perspective of the coaching client. In addition to putting a value to ROI, the study examines client motivations and their assessment of the effectiveness of coaching. We believe this is a huge benefit to coaching professionals and the public.”

Tweedie points out that the study shows coaches are clearly doing a good job and clients are seeing a positive change in many of their goal areas. Eighty percent of coaching clients report they have experienced a positive change in self-esteem/self confidence as a result of partnering with a professional coach. In addition to a boost in self-esteem/self confidence, respondents also reported experiencing a positive impact in relationships, communication skills, interpersonal skills, work performance and work/life balance as a result of their coaching partnership.

An overwhelming majority, 82.7 percent, of individuals who have experienced professional coaching report being “very satisfied” with their coaching experience and 96.2 percent said they would repeat it given the same circumstances.

“The bottom line is coaching works!” says Tweedie. “The ICF has promoted the incredible benefits of coaching for nearly 15 years, but now we have this important data to support our claims which is based on independent, comprehensive qualitative and quantitative research.”

The Final Report of the ICF Global Coaching Client Study is now available for purchase at Coachfederation.org. The 85-page Final Report contains the Executive Summary and all conclusions drawn from the study findings. The data is divided on a regional level. Translated versions of the report will be posted shortly and will be available for purchase in French, German and Spanish.

The ICF defines coaching as partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential. Coaching is a distinct service and differs greatly from therapy, consulting, mentoring or training. Individuals who engage in a coaching relationship can expect to experience fresh perspectives on personal challenges and opportunities, enhanced thinking and decision-making skills, enhanced interpersonal effectiveness, and increased confidence in carrying out their chosen work and life roles.

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